Message To Ray: Go Home Ray

I found out the other day that when heated, plastic bottles release a female hormone into the water contained within. I've been using the same plastic bottle for eight weeks now, and still no breasts...

So not a lot has been happening, I've just been tying up loose ends with my project. Therefore I thought I'd treat you to an insight into my caravan life by showing you the rigmarole I go through each night to go to bed.

Firstly, here's the general start point:
Next, I have to tidy up the general mess. It's important to keep organised in a small space:
Hmm, I seem to have just put the laptop away... Then I have to slide the table in between the "sofas" to create the base for the bed:
Now, this next bit is the hardest, and has resulted in me destroying the majority of the upholstery on the caravan walls. I have to move the mattresses so they are lying across the table, but there's not enough room to take them off and put them back on, so I just have drag them under each other and kick them into place:
That's one done, and now for the second (slightly trickier):
All that's left to do is fashion a pillow out of the duvet and climb into the sleeping bag:
Tada! As long as there's no flies or moths left in the caravan, I can curl up in relative luxury.

This is my last weekend here so I'm trying to decide what to do with myself. I could do with giving my legs a day off, although I'm sure when I'm back in Birmingham I'll slip back into a sedentary lifestyle so I should probably get out on the coast whilst I still can.

I Can't Think Of A Cryptic Or Clever Title

Just a very brief update as I haven't got a lot to report I'm afraid.

Yesterday I surveyed the last area I needed to in order to have a continuous stretch of the coast mapped, so anything else I do now is just a bonus really. I seem to have gotten into the habit of wandering off along footpaths to "see where they go", which isn't always ideal when you have things to do and are scared of cows.

Today I headed north of Mullion which made a nice change from simply going to Mullion. The sun broke through after a very threatening looking morning though, so I headed back as I'd forgotten my suncream, and I'm incredibly lazy. I took a random footpath to spice my journey back up a bit and after an hour genuinely ended up back where I started. It was like a bad comedy. When I got back I took in some of the air show going on a couple of miles away, but after the fourth loop-the-loop and almost blinding myself I retired to the comfort of the caravan and got up to date with my work.

I'm growing sick of these "bitey" flies. I swatted one away today when I felt it bite my arm, and then I saw a load of what looked like maggots all over my arm. I'm pretty fearful it was trying to lay something inside me but I think I nipped it in the bud before the fly could get too into it. Needless to say I had a long, cold shower on my return, and am now maggot free (externally at least). Maybe the fly was exacting revenge for my graveyard of fly death which I call a window.

Crap, it's started raining, I've gotta go.

Judecca

I don't mean to complain (although I frequently do), but if anything it's too hot down here at the minute. This has brought the tourists out of hibernation in droves, meaning the once quiet cliff tops are now littered with overweight men wearing only their Speedo's. I also had to queue to get onto the beach at Kynance Cove today, which annoyed me so much I went home...

This weekend my folks were down in Cornwall for a weekend break, and were kind enough to get me a room at the Bed and Breakfast they were staying at. This place was an absolute luxury, possibly too good for little old me but I'm not complaining, look at my room!
Saturday was overcast so we headed over to the Eden Project which was fantastic, the biomes they've created are incredible and the whole place keeps pushing the importance of biodiversity in an interactive and accessible way. It was also a photographer's dream, I took over a hundred pictures, but I'll share only this one with you which I was particularly pleased with:
The mist descended as the day progressed and we ended up watching a band over in Porthleven which was rather a pleasant place:
Sunday was glorious so we drove to Cadgwith and picked up the coastal path to see the sights now they were visible. It was also my dad's birthday, so happy birthday again!

They left this morning, after a trip to Tesco for food and beer, and now I'm back into the swing of works for the last stretch, less than two weeks and I'll be back!

Cow News, Just In...

How frustrating, I just set out for the day and half way into my journey a heavy rain set in and soaked me to the bone. Sulking, I headed back and low and behold, by the time I was back at the workshop it was brilliant sunshine. I'll try again this afternoon.

Yesterday I went down to Kynance Cliffs and filled in my penultimate gap in the coastline. One more day's work and I finally have a continuous stretch of the coast that I've surveyed and the rest of my time can be spent heading as far north as time will permit. However, what you really want is the cow news, I can just tell.

You may remember from an earlier post a sign warning walkers about the dangers of grazing cattle. Well, today I was surveying their home. At first I couldn't see them, and assumed they were far back in the fields. Then I saw them, a 60 strong herd of black, angry beasts nonchalantly occupying the cliff edge.
My first reaction was to head onto the rocks and scramble my way past them in an area I knew would be inaccessible to them. Of course, this is ridiculous and I probably put myself in more danger rock climbing, although I did happen across several of the species I'm looking for. So I headed back up to the top, and emerged about 10 metres away from the wretched beasts. I froze, but then spied a couple having a lunchtime stroll, so I decided to tag along. I figured if they get brutally attacked, at least I'd be able to make a dash for it... I followed a few paces behind them, being sure never to get in the way of a mother and her calf (the cows I'm talking about now, not the couple). I managed to get through the herd unscathed, and although visibly shaking, I was pleased with myself. On the walk back I braved them alone, which I instantly regretted as soon as I encountered the first cow. They were now spread across the entire field, meaning I had to be "amongst them" for a good 10 minutes. They all have horns as well. Needless to say I survived, and feel I've overcome my bovinophobia to a certain degree. However, on the way back a horse threw itself at a gate designed to keep it enclosed as I passed by, so I might just start being scared of them again...

Incidentally this rock outcrop is called The Horse, and I'm still yet to figure out why.

A Dream Within A Dream

I'm back in the caravan once again after a fantastic weekend back in Birmingham. I hopped on an earlier train in the end on Thursday which meant I was back Birmingham town at about 6:00pm, three hours earlier than planned which meant I was able to enjoy a much more relaxed evening with Sam and "the house".

Friday night saw us head over to the Electric Cinema to watch Inception on opening night. Thankfully I didn't pull my usual opening night trick and go to a midnight showing, although the red wine certainly made me sleepy. This was unrelated to the film though, which was excellent, possibly the best I've seen this year. It had the full package really, an engaging and slightly confusing story, phenomenal special effects, just the right amount of violence, and superb performances from Leonardo DiCaprio (fast becoming my favourite actor) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the sort of film you think about for weeks after, and in fact I've just been engaged in a text exchange with Mike about possible plot holes, which left us both baffled. I won't say too much though as I went in knowing nothing about the film and enjoyed it all the more for it.

Saturday night was Mike's birthday party, which almost didn't happen due to indecisive weather and a general air of confusion surrounding the proceedings. However, all went according to plan in the end, and the night was a triumph of arm wrestling and slam
dancing. I would put pictures up but they're all of people, and you know my feelings about that. By that, I don't mean people, that makes me sound like a sociopath.

Sunday was a joyfully lazy day, with Steve cooking us up a huge hangover fry-up followed by a brief jaunt to the outside world to see some old friends (namely Nicholas and Hanzibar). The general laziness was sky high for Sam and I, but much needed simply to forget about our projects for a day.

And now once again I'm back in the caravan for my final stint. Today it is the wettest I've known it so far down here, and my lift cancelled so it's another day indoors drinking tea and trying to crack on with work.

In bovinophobia news, I returned yesterday to find eight Highland cattle have moved into the field that is about 10 metres away from the caravan. There's a gate separating us, obviously, but these cows are calving. I was actually told "they're alright, but just after they give birth is when you need to be careful; that's when they're really dangerous". They should all be dropping their payloads in the next few days so we'll see if that's when they break out and kill me in my sleep...

The Trial

I was out on the hunt for wild asparagus again yesterday, but we were visiting much more accessible populations so no adventures to report I'm afraid. I did see a snake though, and when I attempted to take a picture of it it shot off into the grass. I was later informed that this was an adder, which, although not deadly, if I was bitten by one I would require anti-venom. I should probably be more careful when manipulating the local fauna.

Today I have holed myself up in the caravan to partake in some computer based work. My actual project is getting increasingly harder in the field as the flowering season is ending, or has in fact ended, for many of the species I'm surveying. I'm also starting to fear for my mental health as these long nights and weekends alone have seen me talking to all manner of inanimate objects, although I have manged to re-watch a lot of films which I had trouble recollecting from the first time I'd seen them. But tomorrow I'm back in Birmingham for the weekend, and I can't wait. What a rare treat it will be to be around people! Apart from the obvious, here are the things I am looking forward to most:
1. Using a flushing toilet.
2. Having a hot shower in a space that allows me to move my arms.
3. Sleeping in a double bed which I don't have to construct before I sleep on it.
4. Using more than one saucepan.
5. Simply turning on a tap when I want water, as opposed to having to run outside, whatever the weather, and then inevitably have to run outside again when the hose attachment falls out, whilst simultaneously listening to see if yet another pipe has exploded dramatically.
6. Dry carpets.
7. More than one room.
8. Having an unlimited drinking water supply that doesn't come from a 5 litre bottle.
9. Not seeing any wild carrots anywhere.
10. In fact, not doing any work. As there's little else to do here, I'm frequently immersed in work to pass the time, so a few days off will be welcomed.
11. All my music at my fingertips, as opposed to on a temperamental iPod, through real speakers.
12. Being able to walk less than a mile when I want a pint of milk or some Polos.
13. Not smelling. On a side note here, I walked into the office the other morning, and Claire just looked at me with pity, sighed, and said "Look at you". My dishevelled look has scored me a home cooked meal at her gaff tonight though, but hasn't entirely stopped me from feeling quite pathetic.
14. Being able to wash my clothes! I have attempted sink washing underwear, but the humiliation of hanging all of my smalls outside the caravan for all to see often outweighs the benefits of having fresh undergarments.

I won't go into the people I'm looking forward to seeing the most as that's far too sentimental and slushy for the public domain. Just 24 more hours to get through and then I'll be on the train home, hurrah! Can you tell I'm, quite looking forward to it?

We Are The Robots (Plink Plonky Plink)

I bounded into the workshop this morning, unsure of what my plan for the day was, to find the place deserted. After further investigation I found one person had bothered to show up: Steve. Steve is probably my favourite member of staff here, he is so full of energy that he cycles the fourteen miles to work every day just so he can face a few hours in front of a computer. It puts my lack of enthusiasm on the two-wheeler to shame. Anyway, he informed me that most people had cleverly wangled the day off, much to my utter disgust. I decided to hang around the workshop for an hour as I'd arranged to meet a National Trust warden last week but couldn't remember which day she'd said, so thought it best that I was at least around in case she did turn up. She didn't. It got to 10am so I told Steve I was going to head out. "If you wait ten minutes I'll give you a lift" he generously chirped, and as it was raining I couldn't refuse. After ten minutes he grabbed the keys and said "You've got a driving license right?", which I confirmed. "You can drive then!" This to me was great news. I haven't driven in months, and the only vehicles here are Land Rovers. My first task was to reverse it out of the garage, and I was helpfully reminded to avoid the walls, which I did, and proceeded to precariously creep along the winding country roads that litter the landscape here. It was nice to be driving again, especially in such a dominating beast of a machine, I felt like I owned the road. All too quickly we arrived at my destination and Steve took his "wheels" back, shame.

As usual, after about two hours of surveying I became fairly distracted, and spied this curiosity in the distance, which I felt was my duty to pursue.
As I got closer I realised it belonged to the local RAF base, and so wouldn't be able to sit in it and pretend to fend of the "Gerries", as I'd assumed I'd be able to. I did, however, find myself in a field of cows. Now, my bovinophobia appears to be spiralling out of control, which isn't particularly useful when they're bloody everywhere.
I don't mind him actually, he has good hair. Or is that a female? If it's a cow I assume the latter. Incidentally this picture was snapped from the other side of an electric fence. I was over there for sampling purposes, not to avoid the cow before you laugh too hard. Anyway, I spent a lot of the rest of the day avoiding other cows and trying to dodge this cloud:
I thought I was being fairly pathetic and was about to embrace a field of cows when I saw this helpful sign:
So my fear doesn't seem quite so irrational now, but it is still something I'll have to face eventually. They're just so big and seemingly aggressive in this neck of the woods! I couldn't get phone reception to ring for a lift back so ended up walking it and getting absolutely soaked. I did manage to finally take a picture of this monstrosity though:
This is the "sculpture" they put outside the local art gallery to tell the public they are open, and is the sole reason I haven't ventured in yet. I've spent the evening constantly eating to replenish the numerous reserves I must have used up on my mammoth trek back.